Have you seen those commercials for antidepressants? I think it's the Cymbalta one I'm thinking of. They ask things like, "What do you feel like doing when you're depressed? Nothing. Who do feel like being with? No one." And on and on. Whenever I see the commercial I roll my eyes and answer back like someone can hear me. Of course we know we don't want to do anything, be with anybody and a whole slew of other things. That's one of the reasons I really need to do my regular physical activity (remember, I don't use the word exercise). I sit around all day because I don't feel like doing anything. Sometimes all I can do is sit and eat...other times, food just doesn't taste good. (The Cheetos I'm munching on now taste good though).
In any case, that's most of my days. I find "things to do" that really aren't necessary; I sit and watch TV, now I can sit and play Wii all day. I don't exert myself at all.
But today was different.
Craig had two friends over last night for his birthday party. I was up by 10 because I needed to feed these kids before they left. Well, actually Allen ended up making the pancakes but I got out there in time to pour the juice! The boys were both gone by about 11:30. I sat with Craig for a while as he showed me some of the games on the new Wii disk we gave him as an early birthday gift. After that I came upstairs and saw the trailer in the driveway with the awning down. It's been down for a few days now because it needs to be cleaned. Moisture seeps in from the sides during the winter and it smells--well, it smells really bad. Don't ask me where it came from, but I heard myself saying, I've gotta clean that awning. No excuses or procrastination. Didn’t have to conjure up the energy with a pep talk. It was just time to do it so I grabbed a dishpan and got a Lysol and water mix going and grabbed my Swiffer.
As I'm doing this, I am not paying attention to the weather outside. The wind had picked up and if you know anything about awnings, they can be destroyed by winds. I saw it shaking around and then Allen, who was out on an errand, called to tell me to roll up the awning. So I hollered for Craig and we went to put it up. As long as it gets done before next weekend, it'll be fine. Here you can see it with the awning up. I couldn't find a picture with it down, but at least you can see our trailer here.
But now I was all ready to work with nothing to do. Until I looked out another kitchen window.
We put up a pool in our backyard every summer and I thought we should do it today. We’ll be gone next weekend and the following weekend I’ll be recovering from foot surgery so I won’t be of much help. It just made sense to do it today. So Allen was out in the shed getting things out and he hears a cat. Well, it turned out to be our completely indoor cat Claire. Somehow she got out…I’m thinking last night. Allen yelled for me and I ran out. She was huddled under the snow blower, just meowing a kitty-cry. I talked to her and finally got her out. Poor kitty. If she was out all night, and especially with the rain, she must have been scared to death. Here's the shed. She was under the red snow blower in the back.
One of the jobs I knew I had to do to get ready to put the pool up was to try and level out the ground better. I worked with the shovel to try move the dirt around, dig up weeds and make it more level. I also hadn’t clipped the grass around the sides of the fence for a long while and it looked terrible. Soon my wonderful husband came to help. He clipped and I followed with the mower and we did inside and out. Looks so much better now. Where did this couch potato get the energy to do that?
So then the pool. We couldn't decide if we should put it up or not because it was so windy and it looked like it might rain. But with the rain, if we didn't put the pool up, we'd have to wait for the ground to dry again. So we opted to put it up. Oh my stars. Even when we got it set up right, the wind would take it. Finally Allen ingeniously tied the pool to the fence in all directions to keep it from blowing down. And it worked great! You can see some of the ropes on the picture below if you look carefully.
So...let's go get the hose. For some reason I am always the one who gets to go in the pool and "play" with water coming at me that is probably 50 degrees or less. The bottom of the pool has to be completely smoothed out...there can't be any wrinkles or folds. So here I'm going crazy trying to get wrinkles and folds out that just don't want to come out! I was hollering orders at Allen and Craig to do this and that on the outside of the pool. It has to be done fast once water is going in. Just an inch of water in the pool and it makes it too heavy to move. Sounds impossible, but water is heavy.
Well, I managed to get it pretty smooth in the end but the side of the pool is twisted a little. I'm hoping (crossing my fingers and toes) that won't cause a problem. I just checked on it. It's four feet deep and 15 feet in diameter so it will take a while to fill. I think we started filling about 3 or 3:30 and I don't know if it will be full by the time we go to bed tonight. It's a lot of water, that's for sure. And tomorrow I get to start messing with the chemicals again. Can hardly wait.
Of course, Willy is always where the action is. Between cutting grass, leveling dirt, getting the pool up, he always brings a ball to be thrown.
Allen and I finally made it back inside around 6. I was going all day. I wrote the word “motivation” at the top of this blog because that’s what I felt today. I can’t tell you when was the last time I had the physical energy or mental motivation to get as much work done as I did today. It felt good. I could have been sitting on the couch watching the movie I taped last night just before I went to bed and doing my crosswords. Or been in the basement playing with the Wii. Craig is at Grandma and Grandpa’s so Mommy can play all she wants! But I didn’t. I was a responsible home-owner today and took care of my home. It feels good. I wasn’t worrying about my depression, dreading upcoming events, or being bothered by self-destructive thoughts. I was what we call in the mental health circle, “mindful.” I was in the moment. Not worrying about the last minute or the next…just right now.
Well, I guess I was looking ahead a little. I’m praying for a hot summer and being able to get up and take a swim in my own pool in the morning. Nothing like a 10 AM swim for me.
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